As I talked about in a previous post, my MBTI personality type is ENFP. The primary "mode" or "temperment" of this personality type is NF, or extraverted iNtuition with introverted Feeling. This means my primary modus operandi is to take in information via my intuitive capabilities and then turn that into an internalized feeling. One of the great strengths of this personality type is the capability to "read" people - using precisely this largely unconscious methodology.
The beauty of the NF temperment can be illustrated by an anecdote that I saw posted on an MBTI forum I read often:
"I dated an ISTP, and I knew he loved me before he did."
Our intuition is so strong that we can often read others quickly and adeptly. This has helped a great many NF's in careers such as sales, where quick reads and the ability to adapt on the fly are of great benefit.
Unfortunately, the same NF characteristics that allow us to get a quick "hot read" on a situation are the ones that can torture us the most. The intuitive tendencies of the NF can be so strong that we tend to overanalyze and 'read into' every situation and talk/think it to death. I can only imagine that his has to drive less introspective types up a wall. Even worse, NF's are hypersensitive to any kind of emotional rejection from people important to us.
The NFP's are the worst (ENFP/INFP) at this. The reason for this is that both personality types are very poor at applying a judgement or meaning to their intuition and are likely to 'assume the worst' situation, when quite often this is not true.
A perfect example is a phone conversation with a friend I recently had. We have something coming up soon, and during our talk I got a very strong vibe that he was annoyed that I called and did not want to talk, even though I told him I'd give him a call to firm up plans. This person has been a great friend and I have nothing but good things to say about him. The problem is, my brain views this as rejection and then speculates "maybe there's something deeper he's annoyed with." "It's probably you." "You're being a pain in the ass." "Stay out of his way, he has his own life to deal with and you're another irritation."
In reality, he's probably busy, or didn't feel annoyed at all and I misread it. There most likely is no deeper meaning (especially with his personality type - it's so maddening to correctly intuit them even though your brain wants to so badly because they just don't give you emotional reads at all. I call it 'poker face.' Hold the Lady Gaga references please)...it is in all likelihood my own insecurity and fear of rejection. Strangely, unlike most NF's, it only applies to people I care about. Rejection from others, while off-putting and a little hurtful, isn't something I'll think about at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. However, with people that matter, it can be and has been crippling.
ENFPs especially seem to always feel like the people in their life matter more to them than they matter to the people in their life. I know I personally feel this way - and have felt this way - for a long time. The only people who I don't feel this way at all about are my wife and my parents. Any friends who are reading this - I don't love you any less. I'm not upset with you. I just feel like you're more important to me than I am to you, and it has nothing to do with who you are or what you do - it's my own personality type. Please understand this. I strongly dislike feeling this way, and the worst thing in the world would be for you to think I was passing judgement on you or blaming you.
I always feel like I want to see all the people that are important to me every day, and it's unfair for me to expect that of others (especially the more introverted types), so I don't. I'm sure I think about you more than you all think about me, but that's just how I am. Important people are on my mind a great deal of the time, even when I haven't seen them in a long time.
A great personal difficulty is keeping this intuitive uncertainty from occupying my mind all the time when there are so many more important things to do. The crazy thing is, while I cognitively understand this, I find it nearly impossible to put into action on an emotional level. Writing things down to organize my thoughts is immensely helpful, though.
It's hard not to be "in your face" all the time if I care about you, but I guess that means I just love you all the more. Right? Right. :)
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